Friday, November 21, 2008

Dude! It is 12:30 now you think I could write at a decent hour dad. But no I seem to come alive late at night and begin to think about all the stuff I need to do. Woe the old brain it be crazy. 
  Per the previous post; Conclusion: I like secular music and that is that. 
There is so much I could write about that has happened but I want to focus on what is rolling around in my head currently. I screwed up again this morning. I am tired of this habitual sin! Tired, tired, Tired! I don't do the things I need to do. Why am I so stupid? What is the barrier to this learning process? Me? Yeah probably is. No offense or anything dad but this sucks. I don't know if I like me. Here I go again. I need help. Lots of it. 
  I am learning that you can handle it. I don't surprise, overwhelm or scare you. That is pretty cool. How about I bring Pink into this. The singer says "I'm a hazard to myself. Don't let me get me." I am totally on that. Me is a pretty scary thing. 
 Also wondering how much to share since someone will probably read this someday. I guess all things are found on the internet at some point. It doesn't bother me to much though being transparent takes a lot of the pressure off.  Then what am I concerned about? I think people reading this and seeing themselves is people I mention. 
  I want to thank you dad. I see so many ways you are pursuing me right now even when i don't want any of it. I feel all these crazy emotions but somehow I know you are in control. You are still Lord.  I do love you.
   How do I ask what is going on with you dad? We always talk about me and the things I need help with, etc. What about you? How do I learn about you? Is it appropriate to ask you how your day has gone? Do you even have a day? I feel like that is really personal...I don't know chummy or something. I want to remember that you are God, Jesus Christ, a being worthy of fear. I do want to honor you and your power. Please bring to my attention when I dishonor you. 
  i could ramble on for much more space but I think the fact I can hardly read the screen and no contacts or glasses on. It is time to lay it to rest. Goodnight Dad. I love you.

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