Tender

Happy Sunshiney Morning from over here in my corner chair.

This world is full of pain and so much weary tiredness.

I want so desperately to share rest with it. Yes, "it" is the world.

Jesus is so tender hearted so willing to provide just the right amount

of salve for the moment. I am so grateful for his gentleness no matter

how I come to Him.

I have been reading a blog about a photographer couple and their new little family

jenpluschris.com and it brings me to tears almost everytime. There is such a sweet gentle

love that radiates from their photos and her account of their new life. I am being

reminded of that tender and precious heart Jesus has for us. I often get lost in the pain, the unfathomable defeat I see so much. However, there is more, so much more. He is here.

I have been unable to get this verse out of my head over the past month. It has been bouncing around in there everyday. I hope it stays forever.

"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17

There is nothing I can say to covey the reality of what this verse has done in me.

2012-A New Beginning

I don't think the earth will be destroyed this year, partly because a lot of people think it will and that makes me think it won't. I had the privilege of ringing in the new year with friends, really wonderful friends. I am blessed beyond measure.

I have been asked by a number of people what new years resolutions I have. I didn't really just a lot of things I want to do. However, I decided that I will make one, one big one.

I will go to Africa this year somewhere on that continent. I will hug a child, smile into a weathered face and close my eyes and breathe deep of a sprawling land that is covered in people that are more beautiful than I can imagine. It scares me in ways I don't understand. I kindof don't want to go for fear it will be less than I have dreamed. Regardless that is the resolution. To go, not to stay but to step out and say Here I am.

It is going to be a life changing, stretching, tough, exhilarating year!

Cheers! You better have a drink, we are going to need it.

Grey Skies

Today was ho hum. You know those days when nothing special really sticks out it just is. I usually dislike those type of days but today was really good. I am growing to love just being, not really being productive allowing myself time to think, decreasing those expectations I have for myself. The accomplishment of the day, I am now a member of the YMCA of greater charlotte. It has been a ho hum good day. Hoping for better sleep....Goodnight.

And now for something completely different...

I feel different. Things are changing. My perspective, my hours, my relationships.

Different is hard. Different is exciting.

I feel like I am in a state of learning again and not just surviving. I feel more peace and am slowing down. I worry less than this time last year.

Different is colorful. Different is questioning.

There is a lot of potential ahead. So much so that it scares me, I become slightly paralyzed and stop working towards a goal. Sometimes I forget to restart.

Different is heavy. Different is delicious.

Work is heavy emotionally, some weeks more than others. I am starting to see the beauty in normal, topsy turvy life.

Different is freeing. Different is painful.

The concept of pain and how we deal with it is a deep ocean. A strange relationship exists between pain and growth, I am going to learn more.

A beginning is really different.

Rise and Shine its 8pm.

Yes. I woke up at 8pm after 10 hours of sleep. Not intentional but obviously very much needed as I slept through everything else. Apparently responsibility and leadership is even more exhausting than just plain hard work. It was my first time as charge nurse of the unit and I cannot remember being more exhausted. Sometimes I wish I was in another profession so my schedule would look different. I will be going to day shift in the future but right now my body just needs sunlight (its 12:45 at night) and I want to sit in the loneliness and negativity. Don't worry, I won't stay here.

The point of getting on this thing was to record something a patient said to me last night. She is from a very small town in SC. In her words "I worked in tobacco all my life and when I got married the first time all there was was pinto beans. I was used to steak or at least chicken some so as soon as I could I got outa there." We chatted about her life and mine as I sat with her for awhile. I came back in to check on her an hour later and she narrowed her eyes at me, "Now I am goin' to tell you somthin' for your own good; Don't you stop now. You keep on agoin' get your education. I was married at 16 and I had to fight for everything in my life and look where I am now. You will find somebody to love you but you make sure you are not the only one doing the caring."

Life well lived

I love older people or shall we say more mature...regardless I think one of the things I want to take a lot of pictures of with my new camera is them. Their faces, their hands, their laughs, they are beautiful. They have seen more than I have and washed more dishes and generally have wisdom I hope understand. One day I will be they. :)

Wattage

Perhaps I will spend my life following warm light and fall breezes wherever they go. I would promise to be quite happy.