Rise and Shine its 8pm.

Yes. I woke up at 8pm after 10 hours of sleep. Not intentional but obviously very much needed as I slept through everything else. Apparently responsibility and leadership is even more exhausting than just plain hard work. It was my first time as charge nurse of the unit and I cannot remember being more exhausted. Sometimes I wish I was in another profession so my schedule would look different. I will be going to day shift in the future but right now my body just needs sunlight (its 12:45 at night) and I want to sit in the loneliness and negativity. Don't worry, I won't stay here.

The point of getting on this thing was to record something a patient said to me last night. She is from a very small town in SC. In her words "I worked in tobacco all my life and when I got married the first time all there was was pinto beans. I was used to steak or at least chicken some so as soon as I could I got outa there." We chatted about her life and mine as I sat with her for awhile. I came back in to check on her an hour later and she narrowed her eyes at me, "Now I am goin' to tell you somthin' for your own good; Don't you stop now. You keep on agoin' get your education. I was married at 16 and I had to fight for everything in my life and look where I am now. You will find somebody to love you but you make sure you are not the only one doing the caring."

Life well lived

I love older people or shall we say more mature...regardless I think one of the things I want to take a lot of pictures of with my new camera is them. Their faces, their hands, their laughs, they are beautiful. They have seen more than I have and washed more dishes and generally have wisdom I hope understand. One day I will be they. :)

Wattage

Perhaps I will spend my life following warm light and fall breezes wherever they go. I would promise to be quite happy.

Bandwagon?

There is a lot of wishing, hoping, comparing, its time to get off the bandwagon and do. I think Nike knows what they are talking about.

My Surroundings

Lately I have been thinking about how much goes on around us. We are so saturated with information that we don't really know how to rest. There is entirely to much going on. Are you keeping up with your favorite TV shows? What is happening in the world from the news standpoint? Checked your social network, how are your friends? And don't get me started on my new go to fun-Pinterest. I almost constantly feel overwhelmed like I am behind. What am I behind on? Is it so bad to say "You know what I haven't watched that TV show you are talking about, could you please explain the joke you just made?" For me it is really hard to say. I want to know lots of things and be in the loop. Lately I am just becoming more and more overwhelmed and feeling like I am getting less and less done. So I am in process of really deciding what is important to me and letting the rest fall by the wayside. In one way not that difficult but in another it involves my outlook of myself(does that even make sense?). I don't think things will be that different it will just mean focusing on priorities; work, my relationships, and taking care of myself.

If you know me you may think that I am the type of person that does what she wants and doesn't really care what people think. This is true for part of me (my clothes ;) but the other half cares deeply because I want to identify with you so we can connect. I think that I appreciate a lot of things about different people but who I am is so tied up in others that I don't really know what I like. I did some analyzing today when I went shopping and the first thing I thought when I saw a pair of shoes was "Wow, Carrie would really like those, they are pretty." Upon further questioning of myself I do think they are pretty but they are not what I like for me. What do I like? That is a huge question that often cause me to have a mini identity crisis. What the hell do I like? I know some basic things but mostly I just stare at the thing and go back and forth. How does one get to the bottom of this?

When in doubt, make a list. That should probably be a motto of mine considering the amount of lists I make.

Pasta Salad-yes I am eating it right now :)

Green the color, especially with yellow

Photography specifically black and white portraits

Painting-usually lots of colors

soft long sleeve shirts

cardigan sweaters

Being a nurse the combination of people and medical is quite amazing

having a conversation with another person over a beverage

Autumn!!

Backpacking in the mountains

Driving in my beautiful red Toyota Matrix

The Weepies

The Wind

Cooking pretty much in anyway possible-I love food

Learning new things about the Human Body

Little facts about our world

Sleeping in my bed with my yellow comforter and extra pillows

finding good deals: grocery store, thrift store, clothing store-doesn't matter

when someone delivers a line just right no matter what the situation it makes me smile

being in church during worship when I can close my eyes and feel His peace

Ok, I feel better. I know more about myself than I think I do.

Slow down, Lauren.