Another one bites the dust...

So what bit the dust you might be wondering. Well, it was another one of my brain cells. I swear I can feel them dying off as we speak, one at a time. They die slowly but with this overload of schoolwork and emotional stuffs they are surely dying. Enough about those poor suckers and onto what concerns me today. 

  This is selfish but i really like writing in this blog finally something can be all about me and I don't have to make sure others are happy or occupied. Its just mee analyzing me. Jesus that is pretty awesome. I am sorry if you get tired of the same old same old. I try to move on through stuff so I can learn. I am learning though that with some things there is absolutely nothing I can do to speed it up. It just has to happen, those are the hard things. I have been dealing with something for the past couple of months and I am just now making the decisions to really truly work through it. I have been lying to myself for awhile and I hate that. I apparently lie very well to myself and it is hard to get to the truth. Part of the reason I am so exhausted today is the fact I talked some stuff out with M and did my best to be as truthful with myself as possible. It really takes it out of you when you do that. I don't know when I have been this tired but it has built up after this party we had on Sun. I love people but after having 2o people at my house for a few hours I just want to run away and hide. It becomes something akin to overstimulation. 

   AHHHH! we are in caribou coffee and I am surrounded by noise all of a sudden this place can get really loud and when you are talking about overstimulation it really freaks me out. *takes long slugg of coffee* ahhh...much better now.

    While M and I were walking today I had one of those revelations. You know those where you suddenly realize this is your life and you are living it right now. It makes me glad for what I have and it also makes me wish for the future so I can look back on this crazy time and know of dreams fulfilled. I want a husband and kids so bad I think I will short-circuit. This desire rises up in my belly and I feel I will explode from the inside out. Where the heck is this coming from and why is it so strong? It has been developing over the last couple of weeks and it is out of control. I have never felt anything like this before. Jesus please chat with me. I am so confused. I am stuck in nursing school right now so why is this here? Are you crazy? I think you are that is the only conclusion I can come too. Yet again....please help....I need you lots and lots.

  I will say this you are incredible lover. You are always in my head and you totally blow my mind. To fall in love with you, again, that is what I want. I love you. 

 Done and Done.

Why can I not go to sleep like a normal person?

 It is late at night and I should be asleep but about 11:30 I seem to come alive. All the gears in my brain start to churn and I start to contemplate the deeper meanings to life. Why can't I get on a schedule of doing this around noon. That would make me a much more functional person I think. We had a really amazing party today. I love that we host parties now at our apartment. People seem to be very comfortable here and that is definitely an answer to prayer. I am friends with so many different people it is amazing. I have no idea how it happened but I love it. People are truly the best resource I know of. I love how everyone thinks differently and comes to different conclusions even with the same information. You are truly an amazing artist Jesus. 

  Ok this is rediculous. I have to sleep. Jesus you are one bad cat. Thank you for your blood.