Balm...

"On and on and on and on it goes.

It overwhelms and satisfies my soul

And I never ever have to be afraid

One thing remains

Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me."

"May the grace of God be with you always in your heart

May you know the truth inside you from the start

May you find the strength to know that you are a

Part of something beautiful.

And I thought that I saw, a light shine I thought I saw a light shine

Yes, I thought, that I saw, a light shine; I think I see a light shine, now."

Words that are speaking to my soul right now. Resting in His.....

A small space of time in the middle of the night.

I realized last night that the job I do is like those big ships at state fairs that swing back and forth, often very quickly. In the span of 10 minutes I hugged a crying wife as she spent her last night with her husband as he will be removed off the ventilator this morning. Fed apple juice to an old cuban woman whose blood sugar had dipped into the 40s as she declared I would need to come back soon as she was trying to do "kaka." Held a basin for a young boy only 6 months older than me as he vomited into a bucket and asked me what we were going to do now.

10 minutes.

I would not trade this job for anything.

I think I will give up the pretense and realize I will be in counseling for the rest of my life :)

One sided conversations

Being yelled at makes you tired did you know that? Even if you just stand there and don't try to say anything. One sided conversations that is best way to describe work last night. I wonder if that is why people like blogging. We do like to talk ;)

I feel wrung out. I am burrowing into the couch watching the princess and the frog.

I tired.

Weepies

What a sweet day and evening. This day has been especially wonderful. I had a good nights' sleep and poured some curdled half and half into my coffee(no I did not drink it, it went down the sink) and had some time to just sit in my chair and allow my brain to slowly wake up. I hopped into my beautiful red car stopped at McAlister's for a refreshing glass of Sweet Tea(if you know me at all you should be familiar with my addiction) and proceeded to Nut Hill Farms(my parent's house). Yes, I like the parentheses tonight. It was a gorgeous day giving us cool breezes and the first taste of 65 degrees after weeks of 100s. I picked green peppers, pole beans, banana peppers and the last of the tomatoes with my parents, just enjoying being outside. Lunched on fresh tomato sandwiches and apples from their recent trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains. Hooted around completing some errands and arrived home to shower and dress for the evening with some support from a roommate(Carrie Myatt). Freshly scrubbed in a way comfortable striped dress and a necklace I had never worn before into the red speedster I lept. Keep in mind it is 1:30 in the morning and I am enjoying myself :) I met good friends at the light rail station and we rode on the ridiculously squeaky train to uptown Charlotte. These friends are the kind you really love being with and are very comfortable being yourself around. Lots of laughter and poking brought us to the Qdoba on Tryon. You cannot beat loads of nachos and burritos. After a congenial argument about how much time we really had before the show started we made our way over to Starbucks for coffee, mostly to soothe my mouth that had been lit on fire by queso. After wandering and much touching of street art we made our way into the McGlohon Theatre. The theatre used to be a church and there is beautiful stained glass thoughout with cushy red seats. I loved watching the people who came in such a diverse group a lot of older folks which was surprising. In a darkened church the Weepies ambled onto the dimly lit stage with a cresent moon and stars suspended in the background. The Weepies is a husband/wife duo that are acoustic folksy I guess, pure heaven. They were fantastic: the music flowing easily their personalities full of joy and laughter. The clearest thing is that they love being together. It was so relaxing I probably would have fallen asleep if I hadn't cared that much about seeing them live. They gained a fan for life. Afterwards we headed back to the lightrail for a jolting and amusing ride home. Someone kept getting hit with a rolled up program and some else got punched in the arm and threatened. It was relational building I am sure. The group split but I ended up at Steak and Shake with friends and a dark chocolate milkshake with an order of fries. Oh so satisfying. The little red coaster and I sailed home with full stomachs, sweet acoustic music in our brains and big smiles on our faces. (yes the car has a face and it can produce a smile) I would tell you the saga of what happened at home while I was gone but suffice to say I returned to find one roommate standing on the couch arm screaming and the other in a ball on the floor. It's frightening and amusing. If you are actually reading this congrats. Till I return.

Venting?!

Oh my word! Can we keep the opiates to a minimum?! Don't do them! And if you do or your family/friend does them then be aware of what an overdose looks like! If you can't wake them up easily, they don't listen to reason, hallucinations, continuos vomiting! Call 911! Don't "let them sleep it off" or "put them to bed." That might be the beginning of their permanent sleep. It is sickening how many people I have known that have died from opiate overdose and I only work on one 19 bed unit. Common! Yes, I am half yelling. These things happen often because of emotional pain. Oh how I wish I could slip in and somehow talk to these people before this situation happened. Somehow communicate the fact they are chosen and dearly loved. How much does it change things to know that you are known inside and out and loved not anyway but because of that?