The Inn is a (not a camp) camp that I went to every summer up until last year. The Lord has done so much in me through my time there. I love the people but I think I love the property even more. His spirit rests there in a way I don't feel in many other places. When I pull into that long driveway it's like my heart is covered by peace and safety. It is truly a hiding place for me.
One of the Heroes Weeks ended so I am seeing pics pop up on facebook and it makes me want to cry. I don't just want to go back I want to be that 16 y.o girl again and go as a participant. To retreat into a state where I am being led and poured into without responsibility, except of course wash up and whatever work project is next on the list.
This growing up thing is hard and complicated. I am expected to take on more responsibility and autonomously achieve the next goal. The time for fun and exploration seems to be dwindling at an alarming rate. Lord, help me to make the time to work more on our relationship. It seems harder now to make that time to just sit and listen to you.
I know the future is what I want but I would love if it included some aspects of the past.
I miss the laundry barn, how crazy is that? I miss sitting on that one stool and leaning against the 3rd washer on the left and just taking deep breaths or crying or whatever I needed to release. You definitely met me in that barn on more than one occasion. I really miss the kitchen as well. It felt like therapy to set into washing a mountain of dishes and know you were accomplishing something while listening to whatever the other person wanted to talk about. Which frequently was what food next or how many hours till we get to crawl back in bed.
There are so many things and people I miss but I think that it all falls under the two categories of 1. Primary responsibility to seek Jesus. 2. Community. The most fulfilling thing I do is pursue you, Lord. And living in community brings about surprising challenges but is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. My heart knows that is the way it is meant to be so it fulfills longings. All I want is more.
Sometimes I wonder if I will miss the Inn for the rest of my life until I reach heaven? I think I will. Not constantly. But sporadically.
Thank you so much for the precious memories. They are truly priceless as is all I have learned within those weeks. I can't wait to get home and see you fully.
I love you, Father.
