Dad,
I have got a test tomorrow and I feel ok about it. I am so tired though and I don't think it is the tired that goes away after a good night's sleep I think its the tired that is from exhaustion and burn out. I realized today that I have been in school since Jan 12, 5 days a week with only two weeks off. And today in june 5th. Dang, no wonder I feel like a trampled animal. There is only a month left and then I have 7 weeks off of school. Dad, I am so very tired. I don't know if I can make it. i don't have a choice though cause I don't want my work to be for nothing. I do know your grace is here otherwise I would be dead from overload. Can I say that I need more? I think I do.
"Whenever God slew them, they would seek Him; they eagerly turned to him again." Ps 78: 34

I wonder if this is what is going on with me. I have gotten so caught up in school and all that is required that I have piled so many things above you. And now it kindof feels like I am being destroyed with exhaustion and frustration and scary experiences. There is nothing like this to make me run back to you. Please meet me Dad. You are the only one who can restore me. I truly feel as nothing. I do love you fiercely because you first loved me.

Only Yours cause I think you are the only one that truly knows the crap and wants me anyway. Good luck. I need work.

I have done some praying and I feel at peace about the situation and this person. I will continue to pray for them and just see where the Lord leads. Thank you Lord for your grace for the many times I fail.

Today has been really cool....amazing actually. I met the woman who is going to be my clinical instructor for the next 5 weeks and she is fantastic. She loves her job and is a very bubbly fast talker. I prayed that the Lord would allow me to have her as an instructor and he answered my prayer. Thanks Daddy. This place we are going to be in what looks much like an ICU and the patients look sick and I mean sick. Nervously excited describes me pretty well. I know I am going to learn a lot and it is going to be wicked hard. Daddy and I have been doing more talking especially on the drives to and from school and I just feel more confident. I have no idea why but I am so much more grounded when I am in contact with you, Dad. Thank you for not giving up on me. These next couple of weeks I hope I have some good stories to tell. Good ones not bad ones. When we were walking though on our tour of our unit I have to say I have never seen anybody hooked up to so much stuff I just hope I can learn it quickly and well. There is so much to know and put together. I have trouble seeing myself as a nurse without direct supervision. It sounds very scary and wonder many times a day if I can do this. Love the wait and see game..Love it. *definite sarcasm*
Time to do a little something productive....maybe like go to sleep....that sounds nice.
Goodnight Daddy.

So it's monday. School started again today and I have to admit I am scared of this class. I am trying not to listen to what people say but it is really hard. I have decided to do my best with what I know and if I fail doing my best then that is the way it is and there is nothing to do but take it again. This is all really easy to say but not so easy to do. I am trying.

I did have a little over a week long break and that was really good. I am so blessed with so many great friends and family. The older I get the more amazing i realize they are. We laugh so much and i would trust them with my life.
The main thing on my mind recently is someone i am not on good terms with right now. I want to be but I have hurt them deeply and they are not talking to me. It sounds so childish and selfish but I want things to be right cause I feel absolutly destroyed when someone is angry with me and won't talk. I have tried to take care of my part and do everything I can to make it right but the letting go is the extremely difficult part. I do care for them and I hate this not knowing where they stand. I feel horrible and nothing seems to shake this feeling. I wish they would speak to me even if it is anger or hate.

To begin at the beguine...

I finally created a blog for me. I assume people will probably find it but this is really for me. I have thought about it for awhile and like the idea of having a place to share my thoughts about school and work and the weird wanderings of my mind. I want this to be a place where I can debrief and process a lot of the stuff happening in my world. Lets christen the ship....