One sided conversations

Being yelled at makes you tired did you know that? Even if you just stand there and don't try to say anything. One sided conversations that is best way to describe work last night. I wonder if that is why people like blogging. We do like to talk ;)

I feel wrung out. I am burrowing into the couch watching the princess and the frog.

I tired.

Weepies

What a sweet day and evening. This day has been especially wonderful. I had a good nights' sleep and poured some curdled half and half into my coffee(no I did not drink it, it went down the sink) and had some time to just sit in my chair and allow my brain to slowly wake up. I hopped into my beautiful red car stopped at McAlister's for a refreshing glass of Sweet Tea(if you know me at all you should be familiar with my addiction) and proceeded to Nut Hill Farms(my parent's house). Yes, I like the parentheses tonight. It was a gorgeous day giving us cool breezes and the first taste of 65 degrees after weeks of 100s. I picked green peppers, pole beans, banana peppers and the last of the tomatoes with my parents, just enjoying being outside. Lunched on fresh tomato sandwiches and apples from their recent trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains. Hooted around completing some errands and arrived home to shower and dress for the evening with some support from a roommate(Carrie Myatt). Freshly scrubbed in a way comfortable striped dress and a necklace I had never worn before into the red speedster I lept. Keep in mind it is 1:30 in the morning and I am enjoying myself :) I met good friends at the light rail station and we rode on the ridiculously squeaky train to uptown Charlotte. These friends are the kind you really love being with and are very comfortable being yourself around. Lots of laughter and poking brought us to the Qdoba on Tryon. You cannot beat loads of nachos and burritos. After a congenial argument about how much time we really had before the show started we made our way over to Starbucks for coffee, mostly to soothe my mouth that had been lit on fire by queso. After wandering and much touching of street art we made our way into the McGlohon Theatre. The theatre used to be a church and there is beautiful stained glass thoughout with cushy red seats. I loved watching the people who came in such a diverse group a lot of older folks which was surprising. In a darkened church the Weepies ambled onto the dimly lit stage with a cresent moon and stars suspended in the background. The Weepies is a husband/wife duo that are acoustic folksy I guess, pure heaven. They were fantastic: the music flowing easily their personalities full of joy and laughter. The clearest thing is that they love being together. It was so relaxing I probably would have fallen asleep if I hadn't cared that much about seeing them live. They gained a fan for life. Afterwards we headed back to the lightrail for a jolting and amusing ride home. Someone kept getting hit with a rolled up program and some else got punched in the arm and threatened. It was relational building I am sure. The group split but I ended up at Steak and Shake with friends and a dark chocolate milkshake with an order of fries. Oh so satisfying. The little red coaster and I sailed home with full stomachs, sweet acoustic music in our brains and big smiles on our faces. (yes the car has a face and it can produce a smile) I would tell you the saga of what happened at home while I was gone but suffice to say I returned to find one roommate standing on the couch arm screaming and the other in a ball on the floor. It's frightening and amusing. If you are actually reading this congrats. Till I return.

Venting?!

Oh my word! Can we keep the opiates to a minimum?! Don't do them! And if you do or your family/friend does them then be aware of what an overdose looks like! If you can't wake them up easily, they don't listen to reason, hallucinations, continuos vomiting! Call 911! Don't "let them sleep it off" or "put them to bed." That might be the beginning of their permanent sleep. It is sickening how many people I have known that have died from opiate overdose and I only work on one 19 bed unit. Common! Yes, I am half yelling. These things happen often because of emotional pain. Oh how I wish I could slip in and somehow talk to these people before this situation happened. Somehow communicate the fact they are chosen and dearly loved. How much does it change things to know that you are known inside and out and loved not anyway but because of that?

The Night Wind

I am sitting in my cuddly chair feet up on the friendly black leather ottoman listening to the sound of irregular raindrops through the screen. Yes, dear friend it is 2:41 in the am and I am not asleep. I slept from midnight to 2pm today. Unplanned and very much needed. If your body makes you sleep for 14 hours and you hear nothing, not a sound on the city streets just the beat of your own heart, then you know your body is tired. I probably could sleep now but I am loving this sweet spot. The gutters need to be cleaned this irregular rain drainage is pretty bad. Another goal for later today. For now it sounds like heaven.

I was lying in bed thinking awhile ago about our house and how much I love it. The back porch is peaceful with the picnic table and two rockers, one wooden and one pink plaid fold out. We are classy like that :) There is one massive oak tree along the back fence whose branches stretch over almost the whole back yard. Our kitchen and dining room are one with windows looking out into the driveway and a tile island stands in the middle of the kitchen. It isn't large but it is friendly. I was thinking about the dining room table and how much I love it. It is from my parents, the table we had growing up until my mother found a deal on a leaf table. The table has stains of many memories and it saw so many discussions, dad's note writings for work, and countless delicious meals created by my mother. I think my favorite thing about it though is the people I remember sitting around it. Mom and Dad did not hesitate to invite people over for dinner and I got to know so many interesting people(especially family ;) around that table. There is no better way to get to know someone than over home cooked food with a welcoming host. It's easier to talk when you are surrounded by a home, people who asked you to be there and created food with you in mind. I love cooking but even more I love sharing it with others and my favorite is making food with those people and sitting down to eat it together. Combined community with a task and experiencing the reward of your work. It's perfect. I want the man I marry to participate in this experience with me. The idea of having a partner to welcome people into our home to share food and laughs sounds like heaven...maybe that is why He says we will feast at His table. Oh man, I am going to start more practicing.

It's 3:07, this girl needs to rest this aspiring mind. I will have you over for dinner soon. Goodnight, Friend

When God moves

I get excited.

Did you ever sit quietly in your room waiting on Christmas morning? I did. I didn't wake the parents up cause I usually wasn't allowed upstairs and I knew it would be fruitless anyway cause they would just tell me to go back to my room. One Christmas my mom found me in my bed playing solitaire while I waited but that is another story. That same feeling of excitement exists when I see God moving in peoples lives especially my own. You know that something good is coming even though you don't know exactly what it is. I cannot tell you how much I love it, it gets me moving. I want to go talk to people about it and discuss what He said and how He is making things happen from all different points of view. Our God is so big and it is so great how He thinks differently than I do so I am surprised often by what He does. Shocking, right? :)

Jesus, thank you for moving in people's lives and providing more grace than we can imagine. Today has been fantastic. Thank you for answering prayers. O how Great You Are!!

One of my favorite places

I am in my bed and it is indeed one of my favorite places. I am listening to the Ahn Trio and the sounds of my roomates laughing with some of their friends from school. It is positively wonderful! Lately I have been craving being around people but not having to talk. This is perfect. I am close enough to hear the sounds but I am set apart in my bed of peacefulness. This feels right. I love being with people and I am rediscovering how I do like to be alone as well.

I got with Scott tonight and we talked about you, Dad. You are so faithful to not leave us alone. When I step back and see how you are working in our lives I am so so glad! I know what it means to be stagnant, it feels terrible. So the work you are doing is not fun a lot of the time actually but I am just so glad that I mean enough to you for you to work on me that I don't care. Don't leave me alone. Making some better decisions I am and choosing to seek you instead of just surviving. I am excited to see what this year holds! I want to do better and be with you more. Thanks for choosing to stick with me.

Your daughter,

Lauren

Your Mom..

I figured out how to change the look of this blog! Or rather I took the time to figure it out and I love it. I really like blogging. I don't think anyone reads it but it is a nice way for me to process and I like easily being able to go back and see what has been on my mind.

I would love to theme is blog with stories from being a nurse but there is so much HIPPA stuff everywhere I am scared I will get called to court for something and have to bring this blog into it. How crazy is that?

For now I just enjoy rambling on in the rabbit trails of my brain.

I have decided to go through some counseling and we are going to work through the book "The Search for Significance" by Robert McGee. A woman that I know who has been a nurse has offered to get together with me on a regular basis and talk about life, nursing and anything else I want to talk about. It has been fantastic and I am excited about meeting with her regularly and in a more focused way. She recommended this book which I started today, it will take me a year to work though it if I want to glean from it all that I can. That sounds like an exciting prospect! I have been caught up in nursing stuff and just being busy and trying to stay alive through this night shift lifestyle that I haven't really taken time to work on myself emotionally and spiritually. I now realize that if I don't who I am becoming is not going to be the person I want to become. I am frequently overwhelmed by work and I see a lot of emotional stress as a direct correlation with the lack of time with Jesus. Jesus is amazing and I am often caught up in my own "give me" attitudes to realize He is calling me to more than I can fathom. There is a lot of basic principles that I have learned growing up in God-fearing household that are not so basic when applied to life. The work of applying is way more difficult than I realized.

This year I am going to apply myself to nourishing my spiritual and emotional health and being obedient to Jesus. Oh, boy. I am a little nervous.