Saturday, January 8, 2011

Yep...it's that time again....

Time for what? For crying.
Life adds up and you just can't handle it anymore. I have been feeling it coming on tonight and now it is officially here. Yes there are little baby tears coming down my face now.
This world is really hard to cope with sometimes. I get told I am really happy a lot and I always look at the bright side. That is true most of the time but I still have to cry. It feels really good. Lately I have been feeling so numb. Work has been hard in a lot of ways. Somehow it can be really good and really hard. The mystery of the hospital. A place of healing and a place of desperate pain. There has been a fair amount of death around lately and that is always different. I was talking with a friend and he asked if I was scared of death. I thought about it and I said no. I used to be but I realized that I'm not now. I have been with a couple of people who passed away and it was crazy. One was so peaceful. He was ready and he just laid his head back and his heart slowed and then stopped about 10 minutes later. That night completely changed my view on death. It peaceful, even wonderful. I actually felt jealous because this man was meeting Jesus and I couldn't yet.
When I am crying I feel the need to give a reason which is what led me to death. The tears of tonight are for many reasons some I don't even understand but I am so glad. I have been wanting to cry for a little while now and I am so glad to know I am not completely numb. Things effect me I am so grateful for it.

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