this is to much for this heart to handle

This day has been to long and I am to tired and I watched 2012 with the roomies. Dumb idea. I feel like could die from emotional strain. Work is work but after working the last 3 nights and then watching a somewhat real movie of the ending of the world. Lord what am I to do? I don't know if I can live through it sometimes. I try not to care about the people in movies but I seem unable to do that. i care a lot once I can see they are a real person with feelings. In a movie that happens quickly and then I am a lost cause. I am now exhausted from trying not to care. So I am watching MASH in an effort to calm down and release. MASH is helpful but doesn't quite do it all. At work I have spent 36 hours trying to communicate with a woman who is ventilated and cannot speak but is completely oriented. Such a sweet woman so both of us spent a lot of time being frustrated. Other than that my two patients weren't that bad. THe first night my guy could pretty much handle himself. The new woman the other two nights was sweet and somewhat confused. I feel at this point unable to muster strength but I still care about people even in a movie. How dumb is that. Why do I care so much? Overall I guess it is a good thing but right now I am so tired I want to give up on the world and be an uncaring B****. Lord I think I am angry about the pain in the world. There is so much of it and choose to see it all the time. A frequent question these days is how am I still alive? I don't know how to keep doing it. Jesus Christ how do I give things to you? *she stops to think for awhile*

You know what, I am focusing on the problems and the overwhelming pain. Which I do need to do just to release and validate the emotion. Today.....I can't even remember what I was trying to say. Yep. Bedtime. Join me Jesus and please make me more like you.